Sunday 16 February 2014

Don't be ashamed of being happily Single. Might be the best status for you; here's why!

can't be bothered to read? click here for audio version
Valentines day, Birthdays, wedding invites, double dates and romantic movies; all just a reminded that you don't have a boo, bae, bf, gf, lover, snuggle bunny... 

You feel upset. Somewhat of an outcast on facebook, as everyone post pictures of their partners, their holidays and what they received from their partners. Namely girls boasting about the amount of flowers their guys were willing to kill, to express their love for them! 

You begin to look at your own empty flower pots; pinning for some roses, that will only wilt with time...

But what do you have? You have just that; time. Time to find someone? Time for someone to find you? But most importantly time to find yourself! 
They say opposites attract... 

To an extent, yes but really we are attracted to people who share our interests. People we can share a laugh, movie and meal with. How long will the sharing last if you don't have one similar interest ie complete opposites. 

However that isn't the question here. Question is how do you find someone who shares your interest or even an opposite; if you do not know yourself!

So, being single is an opportunity. An opportunity to find yourself. An opportunity to use that heart ache as fuel for your new journey; much like the story of Sam the 70 year old bodybuilder.( all kind of gains come when you are single!)

An opportunity to work on the person you always wanted to be. An opportunity to achieve those goals you set yourself. An opportunity to find love for yourself.

They say you can't fully love someone else, until you learn to love yourself. Often it is our lack of content and love for ourselves that makes us feel we need someone else to validate our existence. Someone else to let us know we are beautiful, intelligent and worth loving. YOU need to know you are beautiful. Feel it inside of you and appreciate it when you look in the mirror. Or your lack of love for yourself will only be a burden on your new relationship.
We have all been in those relationships, where we find someone has become emotionally draining. At first they say "you are so strong" and we say "i can be strong for the both of us"  but week, month or years go by and our strength has been drained by their constant negativity. Khalil Gibran says
"Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

So use your time being single to make sure your own cup is full. Make sure the roots to your tree are strong enough to take care of themselves. Then you will enrich your new partners life rather than be a burden upon them.

I am no Khalil Gibran but i say a relationship is like a rainbow; Do not search for the rainbow, as you most likely will not find one. Even when you think your world is nothing but rain storms and cloudy days; keep looking up. One day that sunshine is going to shine in your life and you will forget those miserably days. However, until that time you need to find the sunshine within yourself. Be your own source of light and inspiration. This will allow you to be ready to marvel at the splendor when you finally find yourself that rainbow. Yet, understand it takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow; there will be good and bad days. Just say dedicated and patient.

So don't go out searching for love. Find yourself. Find the things you love to do. The places you love to go. And you know what? the funny thing is; along the way you will find people who share your interests. The stranger thing is; you will most likely find that person you weren't looking for. As you were busy finding yourself, they were busy finding themselves. You found each other!

You found each other at a time whereby you both were enjoying something you love to do. It will be the first of many things you share together!

One day that new sunshine in your life is going to look at you like they have been waiting to find you the whole of their life.

If you take one thing from this post, let this be it. To love, is to be open, to be open is to be willing to receive, to receive is to be willing to lose, to lose is to be ready for pain. But when ready for pain you can embrace happiness, when happy you fear no loss, for what you have lost is only fraction of what you have received. When you're open to life, you will love it.

Want to share this post... but know your friends are to lazy to read it all? i have a video version of this post now.... check it out

For more stories and inspiration like this, Click on my other posts below:
  1. Feeling lost? Remember these words
  2. No one is perfect, but why do we follow people whom we say are perfect?
  3. Why Do You Keep Making Bad Choices? And How to stop! 

So good luck on your journey through life. Remember to enjoy every step of this amazing life!

I always say the Three Cs of life are choice, chance and change; YOU have to make the choice to take the chance, if you want anything to change.

Antoine Allen

Follow on Twitter/Instagram @AntoineSpeakson

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